


Higanbana

by Toboe1087



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Found Family, Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:00:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23068882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toboe1087/pseuds/Toboe1087
Summary: Natsume had always been alone, so he'd never thought this would be a problem. And then one day he wasn't alone, and suddenly Natsume doesn't know what to do.How was he supposed to deal with feelings for someone else when being close to him always endangered people?
Relationships: Natsume Takashi/Tanuma Kaname
Comments: 8
Kudos: 119





	Higanbana

Natsume Takashi was always alone.

That had always been a fact of his life, for as long as he could remember—no one wanted to be around the kid who ‘lied’ about seeing youkai. Natsume knew that and tried not to trouble everyone around him, even if he never really succeeded.

Yet ever since he moved in with the Fujiwaras, that fact had begun to change. 

They were kind, and whenever he did something odd, they didn’t seem to mind.

And then he’d met Nyanko-sensei.

Then become friends with Nishimura and Kitamoto. 

Then various middle class youkai became attached to him.

Then there were Tanuma and Taki, and Natori-san and Hiiragi, all of whom knew about his abilities. 

And now… now, for the first time in his life, there was a tightness in his throat that wouldn’t go away.

It only took one day for Natsume to realize what was happening, even though he hoped and prayed that it was just a sore throat. 

He’d seen it happen to others—several people in junior high, a few around the high school. 

Everyone got them at some point, supposedly. 

Hanahaki. 

You’d fall in love with someone, then start coughing up flowers until you confessed. Well, either that or the flowers would eventually kill you.

“Takashi-kun!” There was a soft hand against his forehead. Natsume blinked. He was worrying Touko-san again. He had to stop doing that. 

“I’m fine. It’s just a cough.” He smiled at her, but her warm brown eyes didn’t seem convinced. She fretted about him for a few minutes, then rushed off, saying she was going to warm up some of the miso soup from last night and put it in a thermos for him to take to school.

Natsume’s smile was more real, this time. 

He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to live here. 

Natsume wasn’t about to let these flowers change that. He would just have to overcome these feelings, that was all. 

It’s not like Tanuma would ever return like him in return, and confessing them would just make the other boy feel awkward and obligated to be nice or something like that, and Natsume never wanted to make life more difficult for him. Tanuma already had a rough situation, with all the yokai in the area giving him headaches and making him sick. 

Natsume finished grabbing his things for school, thanking Touko-san for the soup as he left, Nyanko-sensei bounding at his heels.

He hadn’t told sensei about what was happening yet. Hopefully Natsume could get rid of the feelings before the cat noticed.

“Oi! Natsume!” Natsume turned to the left, but the sudden movement caused him to start coughing again, and this time thin red petals fell into his hands.

Natsume’s eyes widened.

He’d known. He’d known it was hanahaki, he couldn’t deny his feelings, but to see the petals—

“You ok, Natsume?” 

He looked up, frightened. Nishimura was right there. Surely he could see them; he would try to make Natsume confess, that’s what people _always_ did! “You coming down with a cold, man? You shouldn’t be going to school if that’s the case!” Nishimura’s hand reached up to feel Natsume’s forehead, the same concerned look in his eyes as Touko-san had worn. 

But Nishimura completely ignored the wet petals in Natsume’s hand.

Natsume was so confused. “I’m fine, promise. Something tickled my throat, that’s all.” He smiled again. 

It didn’t convince his friend, either. 

Nishimura pulled his hand back, frowning. “Well, you don’t have a fever, at least. You need to be careful, man! You always get sick so easily. Take care of yourself.” 

Natsume’s fingers tightened around the petals, his mind whirling as he laughed and followed Nishimura to school. Natsume would wash the petals off when he got to school, then try to figure out what this all meant.

Of course, that wasn’t the end of the petals. Natsume coughed up several more throughout the day, especially after Tanuma came to check on him during lunch. Apparently Nishimura had told Kitomoto who had told Tanuma. 

Natsume’s friends were too kind. 

But he couldn’t drag Tanuma into this. He caused so much trouble already.

The one blessing in the whole situation was that no one seemed to be able to see the petals. Natsume supposed that meant it was a youkai plant, which was somehow fitting.

He’d declined the invitation to go fishing and had instead gone straight home after school, assuring his friends that he was fine. He could feel his throat tickling the whole way home, the petals rubbing against the narrow passage and fighting their way up. 

“Tadaima!” Natsume slid the door shut behind him quickly, barely waiting for Touko-san’s answering “Okairi” before he ran upstairs. 

He promptly collapsed onto the floor of his room, coughing, his chest heaving as he coughed up five more petals. 

“Natsume!” Nyanko-sensei bounded over, then pawed at the petals that splattered onto the floor. “Higanbana?” 

Natsume’s heart froze. Death? Everyone knew Higanbana were associated with death. They were used all over graveyards, given as offerings to the dead... No. It couldn’t be that! To have a flower with that association… no! Natsume could never do anything that would hurt Tanuma, he couldn’t!

Nyanko-sensei was sniffing them now, though, and frowning. “Idiot! Why did you eat a flower?!”

“I didn’t!” Natsume wiped at his mouth, slowly standing up to go get some towels to clean up all the petals. “It’s just a thing that happens to humans sometimes. Mine happen to be youkai flowers because I’m different, that’s all.” 

Of course, over the next few days the flowers only kept getting worse, along with Nyanko-sensei’s suspicious glances at the petals and questions about how this could be ‘normal’ for weak humans. 

After a week, Touko-san made him stay home, muttering about how she would think it was hanahaki, but there weren’t any petals.

Natsume had never been so thankful that no one else could see the things he saw. Maybe staying away from Tanuma would help him finally move on, too. 

He refused to bring up the flowers to Tanuma—not when they were a death omen.

“What’s hanahaki?” 

Natsume winced as Nyanko-sensei’s golden eyes evaluated him from across the room. “It’s the flowers, sensei.” Natsume rolled over on the futon, not wanting to talk about it. 

“And if Touko-san knew that’s what you had, she could get you medicine?”

“There’s no medicine.”

“What?!” Nyanko-sensei was peering down at his face, now, his voice far too loud. “Then why does she keep saying that it would be easy to make you feel better if you had that?”

“Hanahaki is a human disease where we cough up flowers until we confess our feelings to someone.” 

“Eh?” Nyanko-sensei sat back, his voice confused. “So you just have to go talk to someone?”

“It’s not that simple, Sensei. It would inconvenience them.” 

The cat scoffed. “You’re being stubborn again. Idiot.” 

Natsume closed his eyes, too tired to argue with the cat. 

He must have fallen asleep because when he looked around again, Nyanko-sensei was gone and the sky outside was dark. Natsume shivered underneath the blanket. He didn’t remember having it before. Had Touko-san brought it up? There should be another one in his closet. Natsume coughed weakly as he sat up, his throat on fire from the constant agitation. He stumbled to the closet and fumbled around for another blanket, then curled back up, shivering until he finally drifted off to sleep again. 

When he woke up, there was a hand on his forehead, but it didn’t feel like Touko-san’s or Shigeru-san’s. 

Natsume blearily opened his eyes.

Immediately he squeaked in surprise, rising up to sit, then bursting out coughing, more flowers fighting their way forward, but no! No, he couldn’t let them out, not with Natori-san here, not with another person who could _see_ —

“Nyangoro told me, Natsume.” The exorcist’s voice was calm. How could it be so calm? “You’re letting the hanahaki go too far. Everyone’s worried about you.” 

Red petals tumbled out of his mouth. 

Natsume stared at them, not daring to look up at Natori-san. 

There were so many petals now, it was hard to mistake what kind of flower it was. 

Natori-san’s hand reached out, picking up a petal despite the wet saliva that clung to it.

“Higanbana?” Natsume flinched. Surely Natori-san would understand now why he was keeping it a secret. Natsume didn’t want to worry everyone, but a death omen— “But the youkai version, I suppose, since no one else can see them.” 

Natsume shrugged. “That’s what Nyanko-sensei says.” 

“Do you mind me asking who it is?”

Natsume did mind. He didn’t want these feelings to exist, much less tell anyone about them. But Natori-san had come all the way here, despite his busy schedule between working as an actor and an exorcist… Natsume grabbed the cup of water next to his pillow, sipping at it too ease the burn of his throat. “Tanuma.” 

“Tanuma?” There was a pause. “That’s the boy that helped you out when you were stuck in the jar, correct?”

Natsume nodded. “I’ve already caused enough trouble for him. Telling him this would just make him feel obligated and drag him more into this world and—” 

“Do you think Tanuma-kun would want you to be like this, though? He was so desperate to save you back then. I doubt he’d like it if he knew you were making yourself this weak just because you didn’t want to tell him something important.” 

“It’s not like that!” Natsume looked up, finally, barely registering Hiiragi’s presence as he stared at Natori-san. “How can you say that? You know how hard it is to protect someone from yokai when they can’t even see them! You have to know! And for the flower to have a death omen—” 

“Death?” Natori-san was smiling now, his hand reaching up to ruffle Natsume’s hair. “The normal version of the flower can signify that, true. But the youkai version has powerful healing properties.”

Natsume’s eyes widened. “Healing?”

Natori nodded. “Exorcists use it in a lot of our ointments.”

Natsume’s mind whirled. It wasn’t a bad omen? It was a good one? 

Natori-san sighed. “Your cat was so worried about you he physically attacked me on set, you know.”

“I did not!” Nyanko-sensei practically shouted from the corner. 

Natsume groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I’m so sorry!” 

“That’s not what I meant!” Natori-san laughed. “You have a lot of people who care about you, so stop trying to take everything on by yourself.”

“I’m fine, though. I just need to get over these feelings.” Natsume looked over at Nyanko-sensei. 

“You’re obviously not! And if this is an easy human problem if people see the flowers, then who else was I supposed to bring? That Matoba jerk?”

Natsume winced. “Definitely not.”

“I know you don’t want to burden Tanuma-kun or put him more at risk, but by not talking to him, don’t you think you’re making him concerned already? How long have you had to stay home from school?”

“Today’s the first day.” 

“It will only get worse.”

“I know.” 

There was a long pause, then Natori-san sighed. “Your youkai friends are concerned about you, too, you know. On my way I heard some of them talking about how you haven’t been around recently.” 

Natsume frowned. “There’s nothing I can do about that right now.”

“You could talk to him.” 

“But—” Natsume winced, coughing again, but this time it wouldn’t stop. His throat hurt _so much_ , but the petal was stuck and it wouldn’t move and all he could do was cough and cough and—

Natori-san was rubbing circles on his back. 

No one had ever done that before.

The pressure felt so nice. So comforting. Natsume had never understood it before when he’d seen someone else do it, it’s not like the rubbing would actually fix anything but it felt so nice even though his throat was burning, even though he felt like the petal would never move, would never come out, just to have that firm presence on his back, to know someone was there—

The petal finally came out.

Natori-san’s hand moved away, and Natsume immediately missed it. He accepted the water and tissue, though, weakly murmuring his thanks. 

Everyone was always so kind to him.

He didn’t deserve any of it.

“Feelings that run deep enough to cause hanahaki aren’t easy to move past, Natsume.”

Natsume stared at the glass of water, sullenly taking another sip. “I know.” 

The exorcist sighed. “I’ll give you some time to think it over, but I’m not going to let you kill yourself like this. We care about you, whether you except that or not.”

Natsume frowned. He knew they did. But even without the death omen, Natsume couldn’t put Tanuma in even more danger. If youkai realized how close they were—“You have until the end of the day on Friday. Tell Tanuma-kun by that point, or I’ll find him, bring him here, and force you to tell him somehow.”

“What?!” Natsume tried to move, but more petals scratched at his throat, sending him into yet another coughing fit.

Natori-san frowned, rubbing gently at Natsume’s back until the coughing subsided, then turning toward the corner when the coughs became weaker. “Nyanko-sensei, if he gets too much worse before Friday comes, go find Tanuma-kun yourself and tell him what’s happening.” 

“No!” Natsume clutched at Natori-san’s sleeve as he stood up, but the exorcist just gave him a sad smile.

“We keep trying to tell you. Your friends care about you, and I know Tanuma-kun does. He’s already risked his life to save you—this is nothing.”

Natsume didn’t want him to, though! He wanted Tanuma to stay safe, and if he told him about this then Tanuma would feel like he was pressured into something and Natsume couldn’t do that to him, he couldn’t ever—

“Oh, Natsume-kun.” 

Tears stung at the edges of his eyes.

Natori-san’s hand was on his head, the touch firm and reassuring, just as it had been before. “It’ll be alright. I promise. Tanuma-kun won’t be in any more danger, ok? Not unless he decides to tell youkai about your feelings, but he wouldn’t do that. And if you two do grow closer… well, if anyone can manage it, I’m sure it’s you. And you have me and all your youkai friends to help, right?”

Natsume shook his head. “I can’t risk him.” 

“Well, we feel the same way about risking you.”

Natsume hated this. He hated everything about it. 

Natori-san’s hand slid away, and the man watched him in silence. “Think about it, Natsume-kun. And feel better.” 

With that, Natori-san turned and left, Hiiragi giving a short bow as she followed him, sliding the door shut. 

Natsume hadn’t even noticed her presence. His stomach churned guiltily. He should have said hello to her, but now there was nothing that he could do about that. He wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. “Why did you have to go tell Natori-san, Sensei?”

“Because you’re being stupid.” Sensei nibbled on a squid that Touko-san must have given him as he watched Natsume. “I don’t mind you dying and letting me take over the Book of Friends, but dying like this is just pathetic. I won’t allow it.”

A soft chuckle tried to make its way out of Natsume’s throat, but he just started coughing again.

Natsume winced.

He had a deadline now. Friday, or whenever Nyanko-Sensei thought his health was too bad, one of them would find Tanuma and tell him that… 

Natsume shut his eyes tightly.

Why did Natsume have to feel this way?

Why did he have to endanger his friend like this?

Tanuma already went through so much, and he was amazing for dealing with all the pain the youkai gave him. Not only that but he was always trying to help Natsume with youkai problems despite his own pain, and always supporting his father and taking care of all their friends. Tanuma was always so kind and accommodating to everyone and Natsume couldn’t take advantage of that. 

He couldn’t.

But they were making him. 

At some point Natsume had fallen back onto the futon, and now he rolled over with a sigh. 

He hated this. 

Two days passed, and he only got worse. 

It was Thursday now.

Natsume had a fever, and Nyanko-sensei was beginning to look eve more worried.

“Natsume?”

Weird. Natsume thought he could hear Tanuma’s voice. But that didn’t make sense. Sensei had never left, and it was still during school hours. Had he fallen asleep?

Oh. His eyes were closed.

Natsume slowly pried them open. 

Tanuma was there. 

He hadn’t imagined it.

Natsume tried to sit up, but then he started coughing, and Tanuma was pushing his shoulder back onto the futon, and he just felt so weak…

“Natsume, there’s a pile of… something? It’s next to your mattress. Is there a youkai here? What’s going on?”

Natsume closed his eyes again. He didn’t know what to do. How could he confess, but not endanger Tanuma any more than he already was?

There wasn’t a compromise. There wasn’t a way to keep Tanuma safe, to keep him away from youkai. Natsume was so selfish. He should have pushed Tanuma away far before things ever became this bad—

“Natsume?”

“I like you!” 

Natsume couldn’t look at him. He hated how the tightness in his throat was already starting to subside. “I have hanahaki. Next to my bed is a pile of flower petals. I’ve been throwing up a youkai flower, so no one’s been able to see it.” 

Silence. 

Natsume stared at the red petals. 

Tanuma’s fingers reached out, slowly delving into the pile. “I can feel them a little. They’re really narrow, right? And soft.”

Natsume nodded. 

The hand retreated, still holding onto a few petals. 

They sat in silence again.

“You’ve had this cough for weeks now. Everyone thought it seemed like hanahaki, but without the flowers…” Tanuma sighed. “Why didn’t you want to tell me?”

“You’ve already been hurt because we’re friends. I don’t want to drag you into my life any more. You’d just keep getting hurt.” 

“That’s my choice to make, not yours.” Tanuma was silent for a few seconds, then spoke again. “You’re my closest friend, Natsume. I won’t let anything take that away.” 

Natsume’s heart clenched at the words. “But you don’t like me. Not romantically.” It hurt, but it was a good hurt. Tanuma would be safer if he didn’t.

“I mean… I’ve obviously never had hanahaki or anything like that, but…” Tanuma’s hand reached out, wrapping around his, and Natsume’s head jerked up, wide, startled eyes meeting Tanuma’s calm ones. “I’ve always admired you. I’ve just… kept myself from thinking about it; closed that part of me off, you know? But… well, who wouldn’t fall for you, if they knew everything about you that I do? You’re amazing, Natsume.”

Natsume pulled his hand away. He felt warm. Like he was burning up. How could Tanuma say that? None of that was true. It was so nice to hear, but Natsume couldn’t do this. Couldn’t endanger Tanuma like this. “You wouldn’t be safe. I can’t let you. I’ve confessed, so I’ll start feeling better now. I’ll get over my feelings, I just want.. I want you to be safe. I’m sorry it got this far; I should have paid closer attention.” 

“Stop being so stubborn!” Natsume hated the frustration in Tanuma’s voice, but it was better than hearing him in pain. “I want to be there for you!” 

Natsume didn’t say anything. He knew that. But he’d rather Tanuma be safe, even if it was really nice to have someone to rely on. 

“What flower is it, at least? Will you tell me that?”

Tanma’s hands were clenched around the petals. 

Natsume stayed silent. 

“The yokai Higanbana.” Natsume glared at Nyanko-sensei, who’d finally spoken up from where he was sitting in the corner. The cat ignored him, though. “And before you freak out like he did, the yokai version is used in healing ointments and we don’t associate it with death at all. That’s just because you humans are weak.” 

Tanuma relaxed. “That’s a good omen, then. How could you think this would be bad if the flower has such a good omen?”

“I only found out about that meaning a few days ago. Nyanko-sensei brought Natori-san over.” Natsume frowned. “He threatened to tell you tomorrow if I hadn’t done so by then.”

“Good.” Natsume pouted at Tanuma’s grin. “I’m glad someone had some sense. You should have told me a lot earlier.” 

Natsume blushed and looked away. “I don’t like it.” 

“You’ve said.” Tanuma sighed. “I won’t force you or anything, but if you want to try a date, I’d be fine with that.” 

Natsume looked back up. Tanuma was blushing now. 

It was cute.

Natsume quickly looked back down at his lap. 

“What’s this?” The window slid open with a snap, and Natsume jumped in surprise, barely having a second to register who it was before Tanuma was standing in front of him, arms outstretched protectively.

Natsume’s heart ached. This was why he couldn’t let this go further.

The blue-haired youkai in the window ignored Tanuma, though, immediately turning toward Nyanko-sensei. “Did I just hear that Natsume-kun’s going on a date?”

“It’s not like that, Hinoe! Why are you even here?!” Natsume grabbed Tanuma’s hand, pulling him back. “It’s fine. Hinoe’s a friend.” 

“Hinoe?” Tanuma looked between Natsume and the window, then hissed, clutching his head as Hinoe entered the room and stepped closer to him. 

She sniffed in disdain. “So he can sense us, then? But still can’t see us.” She clicked her tongue, her disappointment all too obvious. “He’s much too plain looking for you, Natsume-kun.”

Natsume glared at her. “Don’t say that! Tanuma’s the best friend I’ve ever had!” 

“Oh?” Hinoe’s grin had a sadistic edge to it.

Natsume turned bright red when he realized what he’d said, and he quickly let go of Tanuma’s wrist. “I mean—”

“Reiko said the same thing once. It was about your grandfather.” 

Natsume’s eyes widened. 

“You’re always so different from her. It’s good to know that some things are the same.” 

“You knew my grandfather?” He’d never thought to ask the youkai. The man never showed up in the memories he saw, so he’d just assumed…

“Sorry, kid, but I only saw him once or twice. I hated him because Reiko liked him.” She sighed. “Such a shame.” 

Before Natsume could protest, she’d walked closer and was standing right in front of Tanuma, who was still holding his head in pain while he looked around the room for any sign of the yokai. 

Hinoe studied him, smoke flowing from her pipe as she exhaled. 

Tanuma wrinkled his nose as it wafted in his face, and Hinoe laughed. “Well, at least this one can sense us. Don’t worry, Natsume. We’ll help protect him.” 

“What? No, he doesn’t need to get further involved, he’s already—”

“Shh.” Hinoe’s finger pressed against Natsume’s lips, preventing him from saying anything further. “You’re our master, Natsume. And you make things interesting around here. I’ll gladly help protect this little one in exchange, and I’m sure the others feel the same way.” 

And then Hinoe was gone.

Natsume’s shoulders slumped as he stared at the window where she’d disappeared.

Hinoe was going to tell the others about Tanuma. They were going to try to protect him. But… Natsume glanced over at Tanuma, whose hand was slowly falling back down to his side. “I already bring you enough pain. I don’t want to hurt you even more.” 

“It’s fine.” Tanuma sat down next to him, reaching out and taking Natsume’s hand once again. “I’d gladly suffer through even more pain, if it means that I can help you. You’re…” Tanuma blushed, but plowed on, “Natsume, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, too.” 

Natsume’s face burned as he stared down at his lap—at their hands, at the way Tanuma’s fingers linked with his own. He didn’t want to pull it away. Somehow, even though he was already feeling better, Natsume didn’t have the strength to do it. 

Tanuma had always accepted him, and he was always there for him. Natsume was too selfish to ever give that up. Natsume squeezed Tanuma’s hand, relishing its warmth.

It was no good.

He didn’t want to give this up, either.

It felt too nice. 

And if the yokai would help protect Tanuma, if it wasn’t just Natsume watching out for him, but he could count on their help as well…. Maybe it was possible to protect Tanuma from danger. 

Natsume looked over at Tanuma, who was now rubbing Nyanko-sensei’s ears, letting Natsume think things through at his own pace. 

He swallowed. Tanuma was always far too willing to interact with youkai. 

“Maybe a date would be nice.” 

Startled black eyes met his, and then Tanuma was smiling. “Sounds great.” 

Natsume nodded. His face was bright red; he was sure of it. 

He looked down at their hands.

With everyone else’s help, maybe for once he could plan for a pleasant future.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed the story! I've never done a hanahaki piece before or written in the Natsume fandom, so it was a bit of a challenge! I'd love to hear back what people thought! 
> 
> If you want to talk about my work, writing, art, or anime in general, we always love to have new people join us on my discord server! We recommend fics to each other, have writing and art challenges, and play games :D You can be active as much or as little as you want. I try to keep ppl informed about upcoming works I’ll be posting and there’s also some fan art there of some of my works https://discord.gg/BDZGCBa


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